Surfing for a Spouse
I'm
30 years old and debating whether to sign up for an online Christian
dating service. I hear conflicting advice from other believers about
going this route. Some say I shouldn't seek a husband; God will provide
a mate in his time. Others encourage me to seek out eligible men to
date. What do you think I should do?
It's
easy to make the mistake of taking a "super-spiritual" approach to
dating, expecting God to play cosmic matchmaker. And while it's crucial
that prayer and wisdom guide you, it's equally important to take
ownership of the process. Scripture is full of examples of people being
proactive about finding mates. And a Christian dating service can be a
great help in connecting you with people who share your interests,
traits, and deeply held values. Think of it this way: Would it help to
be in a room with a dozen other single men who are potential good
matches for you? Of course. And that's what an effective online
matching service does. I know dozens of happily married people who
found each other this way.
If you choose to go this route, here are three things to keep in mind.
1) Don't be tempted to play games by presenting yourself to be different than you are. Be real.
2)
Focus on the characteristics you want to find in your date. I've seen
too many singles who want so desperately to be dating that they
overlook problems in the other person. They sometimes fall for the
popular myth, "I'll change him." You won't, so don't try.
3)
God reveals his will in a variety of ways and we have to resist the
idea that there's a predictable formula to follow that leads to a
spouse.
One
caution: The desire for love is so deep it easily can become an
overwhelming goal. Resist the temptation to become consumed with the
search for a mate.
Discerning
God's will in your love life requires a listening spirit and,
sometimes, a smart strategy. Prayer, wise counsel, and a spirit of
obedience to God's direction are essential.
Leslie
Parrott, Ed.D. is co-founder (with her husband, Les) of the Center for
Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University and the author
of several books, including Love Talk (Zondervan). Have a relationship
question for Leslie? Check out her website at
www.realrelationships.com, e-mail her at tcwedit@christianitytoday.com.
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