Strong opinion about Nice guys and instead of the usual ranting of who am I, the above is what my sister-in-law think about me...

My brother-in-law is the epitome of classic nice guys, if anything he has been in many ways lucky to have even met my very attractive sister let alone marry her. Why am I so mean, well simply because he is nice!!!!

And lets face it, in the real world, nice guys do not get married!!! In fact they are lucky if they even score a date!!!! Before your temperature starts rising and let me start by telling you why I can't stand them!!!!!

You hear it all the time: "He was so NICE and she's so heartless to dump him." Being a serial online dater, I get mails from self-professed Nice Guy, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like dirt, because THEY have failed repeatedly in their "insecure relationships" or "insecure love".

This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea." If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it...

So what's wrong with being Nice? The biggest problem is that they are hideously INSECURE. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving.

You never know if a guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity - a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" - just looking for a sucker to take advantage of.

Users home in on them, stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many of them complain about women being horrible, when so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find them to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure. Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things.

They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be - not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. He often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

They rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship.

Instead of compromising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

They think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy needs to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear.

The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different.

Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake they make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers".

He thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that they don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often they mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant person. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.